Oh, how very often we tend to forget our experiences with God!
It can be amazing how encounters with the One who formed the Earth, can be so easily forgotten.
Have you ever had an interaction with the Holy Spirit, God’s presence here on Earth? It was amazing, powerful, and beautiful, but a few days, weeks, or months later that experience seems to have been forgotten?
To be honest, this happens to me a little bit too much.
Recently, I’ve been struggling with fear and anxiety related to whether or not God will take care of me financially. I’ve been hit with bouts of “this is completely impossible". On paper, I cannot see any way I will be able to pursue my dream of ministry in Africa. Or how I will ever be able to start a family on the trajectory my life is on. Financially, it is beyond the realms of possibility.
*A quick note, I am absolutely not saying this to get pity or anything else. It is simply the reality of where God has me right now. What is amazing is God is teaching me so very much through it! That is what I am excited to simply share with you!
The other day, I was worrying about this piece of my life. In that worry and stress, I felt as though God gently asked me, “who said this burden was yours to carry?”
Why was I carrying such a heavy burden?
Hadn’t God called me to Rwanda?
Wasn’t He the one who placed, in my path, the opportunity to start my dream ministry in a country I spent two years dreaming about stepping foot in?
Hadn’t He been the one to open up crazy, unpredictable doors in the last year?
So, why was I carrying the earthly weight of those dreams, opportunities, and open doors?
As God so often does, he brought me back to Matthew 11:28-30 which says:
“Come to me, all who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” (NLT)
God seemed to be telling me He wanted to take this burden of impossibilities from me. In fact, he seemed to be telling me there was no reason for me to be carrying it in the first place. God had placed these dreams, this ministry, and relationships in my life. He was going to provide exactly what I need for them to be my life too.
Sure, on paper they look downright impossible, but maybe those dreams are the best ones. Maybe they are the best because they allow God to work and provide in ways I cannot understand or fathom, giving Him all the glory in the end!
That encounter with God lifted that weight from me. I felt incredible peace and lightness!
The next day, through reading the scriptures, God also reminded me of how often I forget how much he already has provided for my dreams and what he as called me to.
Just another side note, for Christmas I got the book “Search the Scriptures”. It is a 3-year journey through reading the whole bible! I highly suggest anyone looking to dive deeper into the Scriptures get this book.
That morning God once again spoke to me, I was reading through Luke 9:1-17. The progression of the passage truly caught my attention.
The beginning of Luke 9, shares of when Jesus sent his twelve disciples out to spread the good news of the Kingdom of God. In that sending, they were given the power and authority to heal the sick and cast out demons. The same power and authority they saw seep out of Jesus time and time again as he healed and cast out demons.
So, they did just what Jesus asked of them, traveling, preaching, and healing the sick! What a crazy experience I am sure that was!
In verse 10 we read, “when the apostles returned, they told Jesus everything they had done.”
Imagine being a fly on the wall of that conversation. It brings a smile to my face thinking about the excitement they must have had. I mean, through them, God just healed people and released people from the bondage of demons. That had to have brought some crazy adrenaline!
Picturing the scene, I imagine a group of 5 year olds who just experienced something crazy exciting! Say, their class pet just had babies! To a 5 year old, that is some pretty cool stuff! When a group of kids gets really excited about something, it is nearly impossible to have them share one by one what happened. Instead, they all talk at once with great enthusiasm.
That’s what I picture taking place as they returned to tell Jesus what they experienced. All of the disciples talking at once as Jesus sat smiling and listening with proud nods!
Okay, now jump to the very next thing to happen. It is as if the disciples had a serious case of amnesia. They seem to forget everything they had experienced and all God is capable of doing.
Just like I do sometimes.
Right after that interaction with Jesus, telling him all they experienced, they make their way to Bethsaida. They weren’t alone though. A huge crowd began to form. So Jesus, being Jesus, stopped to preach to this crowd, sharing about the Kingdom of God.
The crowd grew to about 5,000 people. After some time, the disciples told Jesus he needed to quit preaching and send the people away. They needed to go find a place to sleep for the night and food to eat. Jesus’ reply has grabbed my heart, for many different reasons.
He simply said, “you feed them.”
The disciples were dumbfounded. How did Jesus think that was going to be possible? I mean there were 5,000 people there! Despite, having recently experienced encounters with God that the world might deem impossible, they couldn’t see how it was possible for them to feed that many people. Instead of saying, “Great idea, Jesus! You have incredible power and authority. You even gave that power and authority to us to heal and cast out demons. We just experienced that in amazing ways. Now we get to again! Let’s do this, my disciple buddies!” they forgot everything and said, “that’s simply not possible, Jesus.”
They saw the impossibilities in it and got lost in that! Just like I tend to get lost in the impossibilities in my life. Instead of remembering how God has financially, physically, emotionally or mentally provided for me in the past, I focus on the future. I focus on where I don’t think He can do it this time.
The ultimate response of the disciples was, “But we have only five loaves of bread and two fish. Or are you expecting us to go and buy enough food for the whole crowd?” (vs 13)
They thought practically, realistically, like we so often tend to be stuck in thinking. To them, it simply wasn’t possible to take what little they had and transform it into enough to feed 5,000 people.
That’s exactly what Jesus did though! He took the bare minimum and transformed it into being more than enough. In fact, the passage states they even had twelve baskets left over. Maybe, one for each doubting disciple.
God opened this passage up to speak to me in a way I never had seen it. I couldn’t help me notice how those disciples experienced so much, yet seemed to have forgot it all in no time. Oh how often I forget too! God provided in ways I couldn’t have predicted to get me to Rwanda last summer. I tend to make excuses as to how it worked out, but that is just Satan trying to distract me. My situation now looks a little different than it did a year ago, but God is still the same God he was. He still has the power to provide in crazy impossible ways.
This week, God has been teaching me to surrender my burdens to him. Instead of waiting until it is too heavy to carry, I need to keep asking God to take any burden from me. In that, I am also praying God continues to help me remember all he has done for me. To help me remember He has provided in my past and that He will continue to do so. Oh it probably won’t look the way I expect (or maybe even want), but God is doing far more than I can see or imagine.
I am going to keep seeing those “impossible” scenarios as ways for God to work in ways beyond my imagination!