***I wrote this post a few nights ago, but am just now getting around to posting it.
I was recently asked if I miss home.
The truth is yes. Oh yes I do.
Monday was Independence Day back home. It was the first holiday I have been away from home for. It was weird to be seeing all of the photographs of people celebrating the holiday. To not be on American soil was strange.
I am incredibly grateful for technology though. This morning I woke up to a text message telling me how my nephew has learned to say “all done”. As well as, a text with a video of my niece reading a book. These texts help ease the distance so much. I also get to talk to my mom nearly every day which has been a HUGE blessing. I am able to process with her, ask for advice, etc. I also talked to one of my closest friends on the phone this evening. This has helped immensely!
It is currently one of the most beautiful times of year back home and that is hard to miss. At least I will be home for Fall which is my favorite season. My hometown is absolutely gorgeous this time of year though! I’ve struggled with missing the beauty of summer along the shores of Lake Superior.
But there is absolutley no doubt I am where I am supposed to be. I waited a long time to find where I belong, a really long time. It is hard to be away from my family and friends, but knowing I am where I am supposed to be helps so very much. I am where opportunities to use my gifts and passions are blossoming in ways I never imagined. I am meeting amazing human beings who are already becoming like family.
I have missed my nieces and nephews in great magnitudes. That is the truth. I knew being away from them would be hard. Yet, God often reminds me that I am in a place where that love I have for them gets to be shared with kids who just might need the love I can give them in deeper ways than I can imagine. I am in a place where I get to share the massive amount of love I have for those four kiddos back home, with every child I encounter here. Whether it is the kids I spend time with at the Vineyard or the random child who calls “muzungu” from the side of the road. Whether it is in building relationships with them or a simple smile and wave from the “muzungu” I get to spread that love.
This helps ease the pain of being away from those four. I am here for a purpose. It is evident God brought me here to be a part of loving the children of Rwanda. To make sure they know they are noticed, loved, and valued.
Another big piece of it is learning to be present. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says “be present” which has been a great reminder while here. Interestingly, tattoos aren’t a common sight here. I asked about this recently and was told they aren’t generally culturally accepted here. This explains why I get asked about my tattoos a lot. The first few days I had a few people ask me about the one on my wrist and those brief conversations were good reminders for me to stay present. Kids are constantly trying to rub it off. I try to teach the kids to read it which is fun. But again, every encounter is another reminder to be present.
A few nights ago, I was out with a friend and there were moments where I would panic about prepping for my trainings or get worried about my trainings. In those moments, I kept hearing God say “be present and have fun”. I have had many moments on the back of motos where God has gently reminded me of this. He reminds me I am in Rwanda and it is meant to be a fun trip. They key to that is being present in the moment.
I was also asked recently about the struggle of being here alone. If you have followed this journey you know I never intended to come to Rwanda alone. My plan was always to come with one other person from home. However, God’s plan and my plan were different. This was an intense battle for me. How could I come here alone? I asked that question a lot. I was really really scared about this. I knew I was supposed to come, though, and when that turned out to mean coming alone I knew I still had to be obedient.
Now, though, I am actually really grateful God decided it was supposed to be this way. If I had come with someone else it would have been so much easier to stay in a zone of comfort. There still would have been uncomfortable things, but I wouldn’t have had to figure out getting a moto on my own. I also wouldn’t be building the relationships I am building or having the cultural experiences I am having. Being here alone has helped me develop relationships with the men who work at the guesthouse. I have got to know a few of them well. I enjoy our greetings each morning and their laughter as they try to teach me Kinyarwanda. Tonight, I talked with one of them, outside, throughout the second half of a soccer match, because the lobby was crowded and noisey. They have made my stay a wonderful one.
Then there are the cultural experiences that I am having as a solo traveler. I recently went with a friend to a wedding planning meeting. As the only muzungu in the room and it all being in Kinyarwanda it was a fascinating experience. Honestly, the entire time I kept thinking about how cool it was that I got to be a part of such a piece of the Rwandan culture. I had no idea what was going on for most of it, but I still felt honored to get to be a part of it.
Next weekend, I get to go to a wedding which I am so excited for! It is a two day thing. The first day is the introduction which takes place somewhere outside of Kigali. Then the next day is the actual wedding which is not far from where I am staying. That will be such a cool experience which I doubt would have been a possibility if I wasn’t here alone.
I know that if I would have traveled here with someone else it would have been really tempting to hide behind that person or not really truly come out of my shell. Now, I have no choice and it is awesome. I hope that helps anyone reading this to encourage you to press through those fears. I was absolutely terrified to come alone. It actually almost stopped me from coming at all. Yet, I pushed through it and am so so so grateful I did. The opportunities and experiences I am having are beyond awesome because I pushed through that fear.
I miss home, there are struggles, I still get scared sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade any of this experience. It has only been less than two weeks and it is have been incredibly fun. God has been so faithful! God is constantly reminding me to stay present and connect with those around me which I have found to be incredibly important. He has, also contninued to open doors of growth and opportunity. I am thrilled to see what my relationship with this country will look like in 5-10 years.