Saturday was supposed to be spent packing.
It wasn't.
All week I had planned to spend that whole day conquering the suitcases that laid about my room.
I didn't.
The morning began with some packing. I began to pull together items I plan to bring with me, but quickly found myself becoming frustrated. Embarrassingly, I was getting mad at pretty ridiculous things. I was irritated by how much my suitcase already weighed, with much yet needing to be added. The sheer amount of stuff surrounding me waiting to find its place in my suitcase made me mad. Plus, events from the last few weeks were still reeling in my head. The stupid things I wish I had never said twirled in my brain. The relationships I wished were different made my heart heavy.
It became pretty noticeable to me that I wasn't in a very good place emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. With the enticement of a beautiful summer day in Duluth and the knowledge of free admission to State Parks I pondered leaving the packing for another day. There was a lot to be done, but I wasn't in a very healthy state to do it well. With that, God seemed to be beckoning me to just get away from it all and take a day to spend with Him.
I left the mass chaos of packing strewn about my room and took off. I turned my phone off, the worship music up, and began to snake my way up the beautiful shore of Lake Superior. This wasn't something I had ever done before, just disconnected from everything for a day. But it turned out to be one of the best decisions I think I have ever made.
While stopping for lunch, outside of Duluth, it became evident I was in a much more unhealthy place than I had noticed. I knew I was tired, but hadn't noticed just how much I had slowed in my engaging with Jesus over the insanity of the last few weeks. This was scary to me! It became evident if I were to keep going at the pace I was going I would be beginning my trip in a really unhealthy spot. This would most likely lead to a pretty messy and ugly trip. I simply can't be an effective disciple of Jesus, leading others into relationship with him, if I am not diligent in spending time with him myself.
To some extent, I am a little embarrassed to share just how disconnected I had become. Maybe it's pressure I put on myself, but there seems to be this standard that if I am stepping out in saying yes to Jesus in such a big way, well than I must be spending every moment of every day with Jesus. The truth is I thought I was more connected, but somewhere along the way I got lost in the details, fears, pain, and spending time with those who are dear to me before I go. My focus began to shift off of Jesus and onto everything else. Just like Peter shifting his attention away from Jesus to the raging waters below him, I began to sink.
Taking my eyes off Jesus for even a moment gave Satan an inch into my life. I gave him an inch and that inch eventually became a mile. Looking back on it I can see just how much Satan had begun to wreck havoc on my soul last week. I was looking for my love and identity in places other than Jesus, because well Satan some how tricked me into believing a slew of lies that told me who I was. This was causing more pain than was necessary.
I am insanely grateful God got my attention on Saturday. He allowed me to begin to notice just how much I was sinking and drew me back to him. It makes me shiver to think what my trip would be like if He hadn't got my attention. I don't wan't to imagine what my trip would be if I continued to believe the lies Satan was telling me and continued to focus on the raging water instead of My Savior standing before me.
On Saturday, after I ate lunch I started heading farther north where God would end up realigning my heart even more. I took a pit stop for coffee at Cedar Coffee in Two Harbors. Which if you haven't been up there yet, please go. I promise it will be good for your soul! It is gorgeously nestled in the woods, serving top-notch food/drinks, and the people are pretty incredible human beings! Okay, my plug is over. But seriously, get up there!
At any rate, I hadn't planned to stay there long, but happened to find myself sitting on the back patio sipping coffee surrounded by God's amazing creation. In those moments, God began to remind me of my vision for this trip to Rwanda. Somewhere within the last few weeks I had lost it. Well, it was something I had lost but hadn't really known I had lost. I could verbally explain my vision to you with no problem, but my heart had slowly begun to disengage in it. I was too lost in everything else to even realize it.
God, being the faithful and gentle God he is, began to reconnect my head and my heart. He reminded me I was going first because He was calling me. Secondly, to play a role in children knowing how deeply loved they are by their Creator and Father. Thirdly, to dig into what it looks like to forgive. I couldn't believe how much I had disconnected from this. At some point, Satan had begun to steal it from me. He was trying to tear me away from why exactly I was going, but, thankfully, my God conquers all and allowed me to get reconnected.
This would change every moment I have had since. The excitement has once again overpowered the fears and details. The curiosity of what God is going to do has returned! For that, my heart explodes with gratitude!
The realigning of my heart and head while sipping coffee would then open up a time of beautifully sweet communion with my Papa for the rest of the day. I began to make my way farther north to Gooseberry Falls. I ended up spending a few hours there just wandering. I was surrounded by people, but seemed to barely notice. It was about me and Jesus! This, guys, can change absolutely everything!
Not too long into my hike God showed me this tree.
This tree was up above the trail and for whatever reason I happened to look up and see it. What drew me to it was the roots. As I have been preparing for leading teachers in children's ministry God has continued to use the image of tree roots. He has been showing me how he has created me (and really all of us) to invest in children so that they might develop and grow strong roots in God. I believe it is vital to teach children that their identity comes from God and God alone. When this is taught and experienced at a young age it will change that child's entire life.
I want to play a role in rooting children in the soil of God's love and grace. As those roots continue to develop and grow strong, the child has a much better chance at weathering the storms of life, no matter how hard the wind and rain rages around them. In order to grow that strong, children need to know God's love, grace, forgiveness, and the knowledge that He perfectly created them and has a special plan for their lives.
When children learn this at a young age it doesn't just affect their lives but it also affects the lives of every single person that comes in contact with them. The tree begins to bare fruit. The more our identity is rooted in the love of Christ the more the fruits of the Spirit bleed out of us.
"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22,23).
Can you imagine how the world would change if children were bleeding the fruits of the spirit? The world would change in unimaginably beautiful ways as they continue to grow and bare this fruit throughout their lifetimes.
This is why God is calling me to Rwanda.
To be a part of cultivating roots.
It also goes past my time in Rwanda to the rest of my life.
While I think the focus is with children I know it isn't limited there, at least I hope it isn't. I want to also be used by God to breathe new life into individuals whose roots have begun to rot. Those whose lives have begun to be worn down by the storms of life. I know it isn't God's heart for the storms to uproot us, but overtime our roots have the potential to lose life and rot. I so desperately want God to use me so His breath might bring new life, new hope, new joy, and new passion for the Creator of those trees.
I am beyond thrilled to see how God continues to use me to cultivate roots, new and old ones. I cannot believe how deeply needed a day disconnected from everything was this week. God met me right where I was at and began to breathe new life into my soul. He lifted my head from the water rising above my ankles, to focus my eyes on Him, and to enter into sweet communion with Him.
One of the things I want to encourage you in, as I share this with you, is the importance of being so very aware of our connection to our Papa. Satan has an insanely sneaky way of getting in when we don't really expect it. It doesn't take much room for Satan to begin to do incredible damage in our lives. We must be aware of this. We must continue to keep our eyes off the raging waters beneath us and instead on the One whose life and death has set us free.
Who knows what might happen as we keep our eyes on Jesus, we just might walk on water!
"Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out 'It's a ghost!'
But Jesus spoke to them at once. 'Don't be afraid,' he said. 'Take courage. I am here!'
Then Peter called to him, 'Lord, if it's really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.'
'Yes, come,' Jesus said.
So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. 'Save me, Lord!' he shouted.
Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. 'You have so little faith.' Jesus said. 'Why did you doubt me?'
When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. 'You really are the Son of God!' they exclaimed."
-Matthew 14:24-33 (NLT)