I am less than two weeks away from leaving and as I suspected Satan is trying really hard to attack me.
This has been hard. Really hard.
The last week and a half has been filled with a lot of heartache and pain. Some of it was directly related to this trip, but then it became more about who I am. Right now, I am in the midst of Satan trying to attack who I am as a person. He is throwing flaming arrows of lies at me left and right.
This is insanely hard.
As Satan often does, he's begun to attack me at one of my most vulnerable places. While I am not all that surprised by it, I am still really hurt by it. This was a piece of my life I felt I was in a pretty decent place with trusting Jesus with. Then just in the last few days Satan has shaken that so incredibly hard. This has then rippled to affect every other piece of this trip and the inadequacies I have.
I'm not going to lie I am scared. I am scared to keep moving forward, because I know my heart is going to continue to break. I know the more I do for the Kingdom of God the more Satan is going to try and stop me. This is incredibly terrifying.
It wont stop me. I will keep taking it day by day. But it has reiterated my need for falling at the feet of Jesus even when I feel like he isn't really there. Even when I do not have any ounce of understanding as to why my heart is hurting the way it is and how God allows it to hurt, I will keep falling at his feet. I just don't see their being any other options.
This has also reiterated my desire to be incredibly open and honest with those who are supporting me and praying for me. I want you to enter into this journey with me, because I know so many of you are praying, a lot, for me. I don't want to sugar-coat any piece of this journey. It has been insanely difficult. This morning, I just want to sit and cry because my heart hurts so much. But I know there are people from all over the world supporting me in this and who I know are going to stand strong with me to fight the enemies lies and flaming arrows.
Thank you to each of you who have committed to praying for me. Some of you have been on this adventure with me since before I went to Uganda and some have joined more recently. No matter how long it has been, every prayer you have prayed for me I am incredibly grateful for. I CANNOT do this alone!
One last thing you can be praying for is for sleep and good health. I have had some pretty busy couple of weeks. They have been wonderful as they have been spent investing in relationships, but my body is getting tired. Also, this week I haven't been sleeping that well. Satan has been trying to get in my head in some pretty intense ways which has made sleeping more difficult. All of those things combined means I am battling some sickness. Prayers against that would be appreciated! Thank you!