"This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." ~Joshua 1:9
"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you." ~Deuteronomy 31:6
"Then Hezekiah encouraged them by saying: 'Be strong and courageous! Don't be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria or his mighty army, for there is a power far greater on our side! He may have a great army, but they are merely men. We have the Lord our God to help us and to fight our battles for us!'" -2 Chronicles 32:7,8
I want the truth which flows from these verses to surround me like a raging river. I want to stand strong in the certainty that my Father, the one whose masterful creation I am and who called me to this journey before I was even born, will NOT abandon me.
I shouldn’t be that surprised that this week Satan has been attempting to rip me apart. After all I am only three weeks away from reaching Rwandan soil. This means I am that much closer to seeing how God wants to use me in Rwanda. It means I am that much closer, I hope, to seeing the Kingdom fruit of me taking such a massive risk to say yes to this journey. This would lead me to suspect Satan is trying that much harder to pull me farther away from my Papa.
Today I have been hit with a lot of fear and reality of my weaknesses. It was the second time this week that I got hit with situations that hurt my heart in relation to this trip to Rwanda and somehow Satan used those opportunities to try and fight his way into my heart, mind, and soul. While I have struggled with them this week I will say thank you to the enemy for allowing me to experience situations that forced me to admit my weaknesses and therefore my need for Jesus. The first situation compelled me to fall at my King’s feet and be reminded of where my identity comes from. I was reminded my identity came from God, the one whose creation I am. If I continue to let the broken human beings around me tell me who I am than this trip to Rwanda will certainly be a painful one. So, I am grateful I was forced to be reminded of that this week even though it hurt.
The second situation reminded me how much I need God’s wisdom, truths, and guidance. Today, I had an interaction that made me sad. It made me get frustrated at stereotypes. It made me worried about how I am really going to do with cultural barriers and misunderstands, because the truth is cultural barriers can hurt. This was one of those situations. I was hit with a flood of thoughts when this happened. I wondered how in the world I was going to navigate these cultural barriers every day for two months without another person who understands my culture to process it with. I got hit with the fears of going alone. I got hit with a deeper understanding of my weaknesses. And this led me to fall into fear.
But it then led me back to the feet of Jesus and for that I am insanely grateful. I began to ask the question “What have I got myself into?” Almost immediately, I heard this gentle response “I got you into this and I am going to get you through this. You are here because you said yes to me and I will not abandon you in it.” Those were deep words of comfort to me. I needed the reminder that God is with me every time a cultural difference arises or I am afraid or I wonder the truth of who I really am.
I still have fears. I don’t think they will ever fully go away, and if I am honest I am grateful for that because if I allow them to they will push me into the arms of Jesus. And that is where I want to spend every moment of every day! Having fears is a normal piece of the sinful world we live in, but it is how we react to those fears that matters the most. We can either let them lead us down a path of entanglement or we can let them lead us into the loving, gentle, grace-filled arms of Jesus.
This isn’t always easy and sometimes I let them lead me to Jesus quicker than others times. I would encourage you to instead of allowing your fears to control you to instead place them at the feet of Jesus. I promise it can change your entire life!
I would also love for your prayers for strength to continue to go to Jesus when fears and inadequacies seep in. It really isn't always very easy, but I know it will be essential every single day of my trip so prayers for continued strength would be
*Disclaimer: I rarely actually post anything I write when feeling as tired as I am currently, but I feel this important to share. With that said I am sorry if I ramble or if it is oddly written. My best writing might not be when I am this tired, but maybe it is the most honest. ;) I know I won't actually post it if I don’t do it now though.