Our Stories Don't Have To Look the Same

Comparison has this ugly ability to blind us to what God is doing in our lives.

We all find ourselves doing it. We compare the way we look, our jobs, our status, our families, as well as our callings.

Comparison of all kinds can be detrimental to us. I have spent much of my life comparing myself to others. I often find myself comparing the way I look to others which can only make me feel more miserable. Yet, I think the way I spend most of my time comparing to others is in life circumstances God has me in or what I feel God is calling me to.

I have two examples of this from my life.

The first is the one which has caused the most pain in my life and the one I have battled the longest. I am 28 years old, unmarried, childless, and living with my parents. To be honest, those words are hard for me to write. It feels like admitting a deep dark secret that I've hid from the world for a long time. Obviously, if you know me you know all those things to be true. They aren't secrets.

Yet, they have weighed insanely heavy on me. One reason for that is because of the deep desires in me to be married and have children, but I think the greatest reason they weigh on me is because of the way I compare my life to other's. Our society seems to say if you aren't married, with children, living in your own house by the time you are, say 25, well than your life is on the "wrong" track.

I have bought that lie for a long time.

Turning 25 was insanely hard for me, as has been every birthday since then. Satan continues to tell me I am broken and God has abandoned me because my life doesn't look the way society says it should. This leads me to constantly be comparing my life to other's. I struggle to not let myself believe those who are younger than me who are married with one, two, or three children are better than I am. There are times where I have wondered if God loved them more than me. I've tried to figure out how I could change God's mind to let me fall in love, get married, and become a mother.

Instead of living where God had me, doing what he was calling me to do, living present, I spent my time comparing my life to those who are married, with kids, and whose lives seem so "right". Oh I still do this with this part of my life, but I am beyond grateful God has begun to heal that area. It simply isn't as heavy as it used to be. I think it changed when I realized the time I spent comparing my life to other's should have been spent figuring out how God could use my present moment to prepare me to be the best wife or mother I could be when my time came. Instead of being mad about my life not looking a certain way, how could I learn from the married couples and parents around me?

I finally became "okay" with not comparing my life to others in this way. I made progress in pressing into God when I was tempted to compare. As I said, I still struggle with this especially as I continue to get closer to 30 without this piece of my life looking like it will change. It simply doesn't have the power it used to have though.

However, as Satan's strangling hands began to have less of a hold on that piece of my life he began to try strangling a different area.

That was in the pursuit of what God was calling me to do.

As I became more confident in God calling me to pursue ministry in Rwanda I could feel the comparisons begin all anew. They just looked differently. Now I was seeing married couples doing "missions" work and Satan told me that was the "right" way to do it. Since I am single, I am exempt from this calling or at least that's what Satan told me. I also began to notice so many of those I was aware of doing missions work were college-educated, often times doctors, or church planters/pastors. I don't have a college degree, would make a terrible medical professional (I struggle with the sight of my own blood), and didn't feel like church planting was right for me. So what did I have to offer?

Satan told me, nothing.

That comparison was starting to suffocate me all over again. It just looked a little different. I am going to be honest I am still in the midst of this battle with comparison. I feel I know what God is calling me to, but it doesn't look the way I seem to think it should look.

Does that mean I shouldn't keep moving forward?

Should I quit?

No, Satan isn't going to win that battle. I will keep moving forward. What I keep returning to is the words I felt I heard God speak to me years ago, while at a wedding. As I compared my life to those standing in front of me saying their vows, I heard God clearly say to me "I am writing you your own story." I have held on to these words of hope for years. My story doesn’t have to look like anyone else's. In fact, it shouldn't look exactly like anyone else's.

How do I not let comparison continue to strangle me and live out the truth that God is writing me my own story?

I think a huge key to this is being present where God has me. This is why I got a "be present." tattoo a few years back on my wrist. It is a place I see it constantly and is constantly reminding me to be present where God has me right now and to always be looking for God in it. Who knows how God wants to use my present circumstances, no matter how not "right" they are in the eyes of our society, to prepare me to do what he has created in advance for me to do (Ephesians 2:10).

How can I learn from other married couples, right now, to passionately love and serve the man God does place in my life to marry?

How can I learn from the parents around me to know how to love my future children with every ounce of who I am when God gifts me with being called momma?

How might I learn from the missionaries I personally know, and those I read books about, how to share the love of Jesus Christ in a culture different from my own without hurting those I feel called to love?

The way we see the people around us and the Kingdom of God can change immensely as we quit comparing our lives to others and instead start learn from them.

I challenge you to press into this with me.

How might our world change if we truly believed and lived the truth that God is writing each of us our own story?

"Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won't need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct." ~Galatians 6:4-5 (NLT)

#story #comparison #bepresent