Today I visited the Kigali Genocide Memorial. Now, I am still processing this, but I will try to share my current thoughts.
There was a lot read, listen to, see, and process. I am glad I read the amount books I had before coming here. I think it helped a lot to prepare me for it. The visit begins with a video of a few survivors telling what the memorial means to them. You then proceed to read the history of the country pre-genocide, during, and post.
Following that you reach a section with three rooms. One room has a large number of photographs of individuals who were murdered. This was a challenge. All I could think about was how these were living, breathing human beings created in the image of Christ. They shouldn’t have died the way they did. Another room had remains of those who died. There were skulls and bones in cases. All I could think about here was how their bones and skulls are the same as everyone else’s. I mean we are all really the same, so why do we hate? The last room had clothing from those who died.
The next room I visited was the hardest. I cried and moved through it quickly, because it was too hard to handle. This room was dedicated to the children who died, as well as the child survivors who vow to not let this happen again. They had large photographs of the children who were murdered with their ages and some of their favorite things. In some cases it had the last words they spoke before they died. I simply couldn’t handle this. There were children who were 8, 6, 4, and 9 months. All of which are the ages or close to the ages of my nieces and nephews. I wondered how we are lucky enough to live in a place where people aren’t trying to kill us simply because of what an identity card says.
This piece of the memorial sparked more of a need to truly root children all over the world in Jesus, because in Jesus you act in love and kindness, you don’t murder. I want to play a role in creating a better world where genocides do not occur. How can we teach children to love so deeply and see each other as human beings in the image of Christ before anything else? This will change the world as those children grow.
The last part of the museum piece was a section dedicated to genocides throughout the world. I didn’t have a lot of time so I didn’t stay much in there. But I was fascinated by just how many genocides there have been in the world throughout history. It is astonishing.
WE MUST WORK TO STOP THIS.
The rest of the memorial was filled with gardens. Then there is the mass burial site. Here is where 250,000 men, women, and children are buried. Each of them murdered in Kigali. This was hard to wrap my head around. I still can’t. Then there was a wall for the names of survivors. What struck me the most was how short it was. There simply weren’t enough names on it.
It was all hard.
So, I guess I should explain a little for those of you who aren’t familiar with the Rwandan Genocide what happened. Some of you have heard me speak of it a lot, but if you aren’t familiar let me try and give a brief overfew. The history of conflict in Rwanda is more complicated (as most things are) than this, but in 1994 over one million human beings were brutally murdered within a 100 day period of time. This is a MASSIVE number in such a short period of time. And the reason for it? Simply because they were labeled as Tutsi or supporters of the Tutsi. It is a complicated thing that I am not sure I am in a place to really explain well. I have so much more to learn. It was, however, an attempt to wipe out the Tutsi population. The reason for this is complex and is due to decades of conflict. This wasn’t a spontaneous killing spree, it was competely premeditated. All of it was planned out carefully. This makes it that much more horrific to me.
One of the main targets during the genocide were women and children. While reading about this all I could think about was the many verses in the bible about how God loves women and children. My heart hurt at this. This wasn’t God’s heart in any way. How can something so horrific happen. These children were brutally murdered, often times by people they trusted. Women were beaten, raped, and murdered. How can such things happen in this world?
How do you learn to trust anyone after that?
We need to play our part in not letting this happen again anywhere in the world. This isn’t the way God intended for us to live. One of the things I have been asking God is what my role is in making sure this never happens again. I believe part of it is with children, but am not sure it is limited to that. I encourage you to ask that same question.
What is your role in making sure men, women, and children around the world don’t have to live in this fear or dies in this way?
Another aspect of the genocide that is difficult is the role the church played in it. Yes, the church played a role. Many people sought refuge in the church, but for many they were betrayed. More than once the pastors of those churches handed them over to the Interhamwe, the militia group. I had read books about this, but it hit me harder here. How can this be? My first question for Antoine when he picked me up was how this affects the church in Rwanda today. People simply don’t trust the church. This creates much more difficulty in spreading the Gospel. Their hearts are very much not open to hearing it.
I still have so many questions. I was grateful I could ask Antoine the ones I had and he answered truthfully. It is all so painful. Like I said in my last post it is hard to travel these hills and not think about what they have experienced. The screams, the blood, the feet of those fleeing hitting the dirt, the trembling of those hiding. It is also hard to not wonder the stories of those you pass by, especially those who are older. I met an elderly man last night and all I could wonder was what he has seen and experienced. I have to force myself to not do this and instead see them for who they are right now.
I do believe it will take time to process all of this…
After the memorial, Antoine dropped me off at Bourbon Coffee to get lunch. This allowed me to speak to my family on the phone. I spoke first to my mom and nephews which was wonderful. Then later on I spoke with my sister-in-law and nieces. This was oh so good for my soul.
While there I also learned you must pay to use the public restroom. That was awkward. I learned following the use of the bathroom I must pay. Fortunately, I had the right money. I later learned from Antoine that isn’t true everywhere, but there are places you must do that. I learned to always read the sign posted on the door before you go in!
I am currently back at the guesthouse. I have a few hours until I will be getting together with my friend Gash. I texted him today asking if we could meet so I can process. Since he knows me fairly well and I know him this should help a lot. There is so much to process. It has been a signifiant learning experience. I am so grateful for those who have been helping me adjust though.
One of the interesting things has also been the reactions of people to my tattoos. This has surprised me because that wasn’t the case in Uganda so I didn’t expect it to be here. This morning I had Omar ask me about both and then at the memorial a man working there also asked me about it. One of the other men working here also pointed it out yesterday. The “Be Present” tattoo has been a great reminder for me. It helps me so much to be present otherwise I worry way too much. I do wonder what other conversations it could begin. Now that I am more aware of it I might have better answers when asked about it. Maybe God will use it open up some sort of doors.
At this exact moment, I am feeling better. It all comes and goes. There are momemts where I want to cry. I actually have on the phone with my sister-in-law and when receiving encouraging messsages from those of you back home (or in Uganda)! Those messages bring good tears though!vI need those a lot! I feel so very uncomfortable here. But, seeing how I am adjusting to some things and it is only day 3 I know it will get better. I guess the challenges just might look different. But I take the good moments and appreciate them! And again, I try to be present in each moment.
Prayer requests:
-Again, to connect with God more. This is hard at times because the enemy tells me God has abandoned me since it is so hard. The enemy tells me God isn’t going to show up the entire trip. I don’t want to believe that lie. I am grateful for my mornings of watching the sunrise. This helps me begin my day aligned with Jesus. But prayers for more of this throughout the day would be great.
-Guidance on where God is leading me. I know I have a lot of time here and there will be a lot of opportunities to do something to combat child poverty long-term. I want to play a role in that, but which role is the best one is hard to determine. Please pray for guidance in this.
-For my identity to contintue to grow in Jesus. Again, there is a lot of pressure (much of which I might put on myself) to know the right answers and do things the right way. This is scary for me. But as my identity comes from Jesus the less pressure there is.
-To be super present in every conversation and interaction. Even when I have down time, like now, that I will be present in what I am supposed to be doing.
-Health continued. This hasn’t really been a problem, but please keep praying for it. Yesterday I had a cough which both David and Christine said was probably from the dust and I got a bloody nose last night. Again, nothing huge but still prayers for it would be great.